No, a woman is not a wild animal to be chased down and conquered. But yes, a woman does have a wild, intuitive nature that is helpful to understand if you wish for the opportunity to spend multiple nights (days, mornings…) naked in her midst. (And if you wish to satisfy her to the point where she can’t help but keep coming back to you for more.)

You see, you might have had the good fortune of numerous intimate encounters with one, or many, women. But there is a vast difference between the woman who is 100% into it, and the one who is just sort of going along with it, with some satisfaction and also some reservation/disappointment.

She will never tell you about her disappointment, but if she has high standards for her love life, the relationship will eventually dissolve and you will never have known where and how you fell short of her romantic hopes and dreams.

She might remember having liked you as person. But when she recalls her time in the boudoir with you, at best she will just sort of forget what it was like, at worst it will be memorable in all the wrong ways.

I have heard, through various “experts” on the topic, that the most deeply exciting thing for a man to experience when he is with a woman is her 100% opening and surrendering to him. It is her complete giving herself over to him that he finds extraordinarily thrilling. This cannot be faked, nor can it be rushed. This is earned through a series of very specific actions and cues on your part. I am about to reveal what these are.

But before we plunge in, it is important for you to know that all of these have nothing do do with how much money you have, how much power you wield, whether you’re a divorced dad or young unattached pup. These also do not depend on the size and shape of your man-parts, nor on whether or not you have an STD. All those factoids become much less relevant when you learn to follow, and master the below steps that build true energetic intimacy.

How to make love to a woman:

1. Take plenty of time to build intimacy before you get naked. When you meet up with the lady, do not let your eagerness to get it on show. Take the time to be fully present in conversation together. Give her lots of eye contact. Be genuinely curious about her day.

Ask her deeper questions about how she feels and what’s important to her. Tell her funny stories or insights from your life. Do not reach for her in a sexual way. Perhaps hold her hand or brush her hair out of her eyes, but do not push for sexy touch at all.

Stay in this phase long enough for her to wonder is this guy ever going to smooch me? It’s like he doesn’t even care if we get it on tonight! He’s just into connecting with my mind! How unusual…

2. Start slow, very slow. At some point it will feel sweet for you to touch her a bit more, but again, don’t go straight for boob-grabbing. Instead, stroke her hand or rub her feet or press your thumb into that sticky point between her radius and ulna bone (that’s in her forearm).

Enjoy creating pleasurable touch that is non-sexual. As you feel her enjoying and receiving this simple touch, keep it up, but again, no rush! By slowing building kindly physical connection, her body is getting primed, and more intrigued for more connection.

3. Treat her body like a wonderland. That “your body is wonderland” song always sounded a little creepy to me, but I gotta admit, he’s onto something.

Once you’ve done some really sweet non-sexual physical connecting for a while, transition to more intimate touch. But here’s the key: touch her and look at her like every part of her is the most fascinating thing in the world.

Kiss her neck or stroke her thigh like nothing more interesting has ever happened in the history of humanity. Give her 100 million percent of your devoted attention.

4. Let the transition into full on love-making happen totally organically. You don’t need to push for penetration (of any and all kinds) because when you do steps 1-3 fully, your mutual and consensual passion will guide you both into this next phase.

If you sense hesitation from her, pull back and say “I sense that this might be going too fast for you… do you want to pause? Have a glass of water or cup of tea?” If she does want to pause, you will see relief on her face. Completely let go of further sexual contact at this point. Take care of her feeling comfortable and safe.

promise, if you back off now, you will earn so much trust that she will want you to devour her later. Or if she doesn’t, take great pride in the fact that you will never be that guy that she “regrets sleeping with”. Meanwhile, if you are both totally IN, how beautiful! Enjoy!

5. Be real with what’s real but don’t stress it. Look, everyone has different sexual stuff to work with and through. But if you’ve taken the time to build intimacy through eye contact, thoughtful conversation, and non-sexual touch, the mechanics of sex are of much less importance. Because the vibe is what it’s all about.

So if your body parts don’t perform exactly as you hoped, or if they don’t look how you wish they did, don’t stress it. If things aren’t as hard as you’d like, just let her know you’re feeling a little overwhelmed by her hotness and find another way to keep connecting. If you know you’re going to spout off sooner rather than later, enjoy the time building up to it and tell her she’s just so irresistible you’ve got to pause here and there. If you’ve got an STD, have that conversation in advance and take clear precautions to not pass it on, so she knows she’s safe with you – but no shaming yourself! We’re human. Stuff happens.

Be the change you want to see in your romantic world! If you want to be the one who truly satisfies, the one who a woman happily comes back to over and over again, the one who she talks about for years to her friends, try the above steps the next time you get the opportunity for romance. What’s the worst that could happen?

Good luck and God speed! Wait no, I mean, for God’s sake, slow down.


ps. I’m sorry I can only speak from the hetero female perspective, but if you have other insights you’d like to add from your sexual preferences, please, comment and share below!


Photo: Charlotte Butcher from UnSplash

*I’m @arielkiley on Instagram

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