An “F-You Fund” is a stash of cash big enough so you can quit your job or leave your partner at any moment.
I’ve only left one job because of sexual harassment. I was 23 years old, working at a diner-ish restaurant with a Greek spin in Essex Junction, Vermont.
I should have known it was a sketchy situation when the manager (let’s call him Ron) kept glancing down at my boobs during the interview, but I really needed the money, so I took it anyway.
Ron’s wife also worked at the restaurant as a hostess and he didn’t do anything too overtly out of line for a while.
Although a couple times he called me on my day off and told me I was late for work. It must have been a little power game for him to write me into a shift after the schedule came out, then make me race in apologetically and work.
A Creepy Van-ride
After working at the restaurant for a few months, we were hired to cater a little backyard wedding offsite. Ron assigned me to work as a bartender for $100 and asked me to ride out there early with him in his minivan to help set up.
I was wearing jeans and an old tee shirt for the setup, planning on changing later. We packed up and headed out on the road toward the house.
After driving for about five minutes, he glanced over at my chest and said, “you know I’m going to have a hard time concentrating with you wearing that shirt.” (If you recall, this was a worn old tee shirt.)
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I considered the possibility I heard wrong and said, “excuse me?”
Much more pointedly, he repeated himself, smiling as he glanced down at my chest. “I’m going to have a hard time concentrating today with you wearing that shirt.” Nope. Heard him right the first time.
I laughed it off to prevent further creepy or confrontational moments (I was trapped in his minivan after all) and turned to look out the window.
At that point the vibe in the van changed. I think he realized his comment did not have the desired effect and wanted to do something to cover his tracks. So he produced a hundred dollar bill and said he’d pay me up front for my work that day. I thanked him and took the money.
We got to the house and unloaded the wine. Then drove back to the restaurant.
Once I was back in the restaurant parking lot and out of the minivan, I was at a pivotal choice point. Would I keep the job? Would I say something? Or would I leave?
Saved By the F-You Fund!
Luckily, I had saved enough cash during that time that I had a little cushion. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to walk away right then. It gave me the power to say “fuck you.” It’s moments like this when an F-You Fund is IMPERATIVE.
I sat in my car and wrote this note:
“I will not be needing this job anymore. I’m keeping the $100 as an apology for the inappropriate comment.”
I put the note on the seat of his minivan (aware that it was possible his wife might be the first to see it). Then got in my car and drove home, never to return again.
Ron called a couple times and left a blubbering message apologizing and saying he was “just tired,” that’s why he had made that comment. I didn’t answer or call back. If I had been living paycheck-to-paycheck I would have been so vulnerable in that moment.
When you don’t have a cushion of cash, you’re vulnerable to creepers and dominators. It’s so hard to leave dysfunctional or abusive relationships of all kinds (work, romantic, friendships, etc.) if you’re financially dependent. You can’t say no. You can’t rescue yourself. For your own survival you might have to “grin and bear it” when someone else is out of line.
This is why you must take control of your wealth and you need an F-You Fund. You need to be able to say, in whatever way or words you want, “fuck you” and walk away. It’s an imperative part of taking care of yourself.
Many are not as lucky as me. For many, their only choice is to be subjugated, harassed, even abused because they don’t have a way out. There are few good options in situations like the one I was in with Ron. Was I going to spend my energy taking action against this creep who was deeply embedded in this musty family business for a low-paid waitress job? No.
My best choice at that time was to just walk away.
The lesson in all this is that I want you to build your own F-You Fund because I want you to always be able to walk away.
I created my Financial Realization Course to show you how to take control of your wealth in small and large ways. This can have a huge impact on your feelings of freedom, safety, and choice.
Next session starts Wednesday July 3rd at 8pm. CLICK HERE to learn more.
Or go ahead and share in the comments below if you’ve ever been in a hairy situation like this. It’s not always just women. Oftentimes anyone at the mercy of a power-tripper can be on the receiving end of some creepy/scary stuff.
Special thanks to Lashaun Dale and 24Life.com for these behind-the-scenes pics from a shoot for some upcoming videos… stay tuned!
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