So many women I know choose to live in the dark.

They do not want to know the facts–the truth of what’s going on in certain parts of their life.

They don’t want to have the conversation with their new lover about if he/she/they are seeking the same things from romantic partnership.

They don’t want to know how their boss actually feels they are performing at work, so they’re in constant fear of getting demoted or fired.

They don’t want to calculate their net worth or tally up what they spent on clothing last year.

They want to remain in the dark. Like a child standing in the middle of a room with a blanket over her head saying “you can’t see me, Reality! You can’t see me!”

I know this feeling well.

Choosing to Live in the Dark

When I started dating after a rough breakup, I was afraid to ask if a new crush was involved with anyone else, or wanted monogamy, or saw a future with me.

When I started teaching yoga, I was nervous about whether studios might keep or fire me. I would deny it if I was teaching a class with low turnout. I would blame it on the time of day, or the marketing efforts of the studio, or the idea that students just “didn’t understand” my teaching.

For many years, I had no interest in tallying up my net worth. I felt stuck in spending patterns that left me hopeless to be able to change. So why face reality? If I’m just going to see my failure and not be able to fix it, why face it?


Facing Reality does exactly the opposite of what you fear: It empowers you to make change and grow more rapidly toward a truer future.

Facing Reality lets you know where you stand, so you can measure how far it is from here to the life you really want to be living.

Seeking “Good Information”

Once I got my dating confidence back, I started candidly asking fellows what they wanted from being involved with a woman, and I heard a whole range of answers!

One guy wanted to have multiple partners and was actually dating four other women at the same time as me(!). Another couldn’t wait to make babies, get married, and build a family. Then another was against the institution of marriage but wanted a lover he could untether from society with, and roam the country together, living an off-grid lifestyle.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these answers, they are all just good information when you are getting involved with someone… information it would be good to have before you commit to a fantasy.

I did this with my yoga classes too. I would get the studio manager to let me look at the attendance and revenue of all the other classes and find out how well my classes were doing compared to my peers.

If I wasn’t in the top 80%, I’d discuss with the manager how to change my classes to connect with more students. I would change the class name, the concept, my approach. Then my class would grow. Or if it didn’t, I had to face facts that I sucked in that time slot, and I would willingly give the class away.

And of course you know the story of me facing my net worth.

Once I learned the numbers–the MATH of my situation–I could strategize clear actions to make change and grow wealth. In the past 20 months I have grown my net worth by $66k.

That could only begin with facing the Reality of where I was starting, and the daily realities of how my choices affected my bottom line.

Choosing to Live in the Light

This is your life! Don’t you want to know what’s really going on?

The truth is right there. It can easily be asked for. Why the hell would you want to live in the dark?

Choosing to live in the dark is the ultimate act of self-betrayal.

It means you don’t want to know the facts of your own life. Which means you can’t be proactive with that information… which means you cannot take responsibility for your highest potential.

“Take an axe to the prison wall,” says Rumi. “Walk out like someone suddenly born into sunshine.”

So tell me dear reader, where are you choosing to live in the dark?

And what tidbit of information could you seek today to bring a beam of light into the darkness?


Ps. You wanna get weekly emails with stories and insights on how to live bold, rich and free (at least according to me)? Then join Ariel’s List!